Only a mere seconds after the invention of the television, came the instant creation of the bitchy sitcom wife, sent to Earth to bust the balls of their hapless TV husbands, inspiring millions of American women to stop taking guff.
We’ve done exhaustive research for almost a whole day to bring this definitive list of the Top Ten Bitchiest Sitcom Wives
10. Bebe Neuwirth, Lilith Crane on Cheers and Frasier
Although her screen time on both shows was limited to supporting roles, Lilith Crane never failed to verbally rape anyone who happened to be in the same room with ex-husband Frasier. It must have worked for him, though, because we also remember a lot of psycho-intellectual boning on both shows.
(Interesting side note: Almost everything Neuwirth does outside these two shows involves her being in lingerie or super-horny.)
9. Tisha Campbell, Janet Kyle on My Wife and Kids
Tisha represents the first of many sitcom wives that has to deal with a dense husband. However, there is no excuse for her insistence on keeping the sassy bitchiness of Jackée alive and well on modern television. Also, she started out early as a bitchy girlfriend in House Party, so she doesn’t really know any better.
**lifetime achievement for Martin
8. Jaime Pressley, Joy Turner on My Name is Earl
You may think that we would give Joy Turner a pass because Jaime Pressley is so f-ing hot. Our boner agrees with you. Then we heard her call us dummy and question our manhood, so she’s on the bitch list. Suck on that, Dummy.
7. Peggy Hill on King of the Hill
Nevermind that she is animated, not only is Peggy Hill a bitch, she is a self-important bitch. To make a woman so certain that she is always right, with a hair helmet and a mild case of racist, they had to draw her. Or, cast her in a CW drama.
6. Joely Fisher, Joy Stark on ‘Til Death
We don’t actually watch this show. But, damn, she’s married to Brad Garrett on the show, and has big sloppy titties. She HAS to be a bitch. The show’s own website refers to her as “brash and sardonic”. In Hollywood, that’s code for “chubby and not-blonde”.
5. Janet Hubert, the FIRST Vivian Banks on Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
This actress was such a massive bitch in real life, they decided she was too bitchy to play a bitchy sitcom wife and REPLACED her mid-season. That is like the Perfect Storm of bitchiness. It’s like Bitch times Bitch squared.
4. Leah Remini, Carrie Heffernan on King of Queens
This sitcom bitch wife has the added creepiness of being an avid Scientologist. So, if you try to argue with her and call her out on her bitchiness, she will just audit you and threaten to give away your seat on the spaceship.
At first, we wanted to look past all of the above because this is a sexy-pants picture. Then, we found the pictures from the season she was fat. Grudge back on.
3. Patricia Heaton, Debra Barone on Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra Barone was such a heinous bitch wife, we want to get married just so we can get divorced and prove that we would never let that happen to us. Get help, Raymond Barone. Get help.
We weren’t sure this picture was actually her. The face kind of looks like her, under a half pound of eyeliner and spackle. Whatever it takes, punkin.
2. Katie Segal, Peggy Bundy on Married with Children
We have a soft spot in our hearts for Peggy Bundy. With her big hair, long nails and constant smoking, she reminds us of Dear Old Mom. But, Mom also made Daddy go out for cigarettes and never come back, so she makes #2 for ruining our childhood.
Here is Katy Segal in Futurama, proving that Peggy Bundy’s bitchiness could be seen from Space.
1. Roseanne Barr-Arnold, Roseanne Connor on Roseanne.
What can we say about the self-proclaimed bitch of all time? Nobody did bitchy like Roseanne, both on the show and in real life. The one thing all her husband’s have in common is that they wish they could be more like Elizabeth Taylor’s husbands. Then, at least a couple of them would have been lucky enough to die.
To-date, we can think of no bigger Sitcom Bitch Wife. Congratulations, Roseanne, you continue to bust balls even in your absence from the small screen. Our hats are tipped.
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