It’s a 2-hour American Idol tonight, and we know that not all of you give a monkey turd about who is going to be the next manufactured celebrity jammed down our throats. So, we would like to give you some alternatives for your Tuesday TV enjoyment:
VH1 9pm – RuPaul’s Drag Race
If you are going to watch a reality show where contestants are humiliated, you may feel better watching one where they are in on the joke.
MTV 9pm & 930pm – Dogg after Dark / TI’s Road to Redemption
Late nights with Snoop Dogg, followed by rapper T.I. rewarding teens who perservere despite unyeilding adversity. Guess MTV is starting to feel bad about all those episodes of My Sweet Sixteen. Karma is a BITCH.
NBC 8pm – Biggest Loser: Couples
“Some players fall victim to temptation during a challenge”
Can you blame the guy? Putting pizza and Skittles on his lady’s business just isn’t playing fair.
ABC 8pm – Homeland Security USA
“On the US border with Mexico, three teens are questioned about their destination”
Going to the Donkey Show in T.J. is a right of passage; how are these kids going to pop their cherries if ABC keeps showing up with TV cameras??
MyTV 8pm & 9pm – Street Patrol and Jail
Street Patrol documents police action on the streets of Fontana CA, Providence RI, Kansas City MO and Boise ID. Jail documents “jailhouse incidents” in Austin, Salt Lake City and Las Vegas.
We have lived in/worked in/visited more than half of the above locations. Haven’t been to jail, but may watch Street Patrol to see if any of our friends are “featured”.
Discovery 8pm & 9pm – Dirty Jobs
Mike Rowe decides he’d like to be paid to do nothing, challenging the executive producers to try to do what he does, which is trying to do what others do… Then – MAGGOTS!
National Geographic 8pm – Kingdom of the Blue Whale
Watch as international nerd squads track endangered whales in “rarely seen wintering grounds”. Narrated by Magnum P.I.!
Fox Sports Net 730pm – NBA Basketball
Cavaliers at Clippers, if anyone gives a f*ck.
CNBC 8pm – Mad Money
Let Jim Cramer remind you how much money you DON’T have.
Comedy Central 8pm and 830pm – Daily Show with Jon Stewart and The Colbert Report
Jon interviews author Nathaniel Frank (Unfriendly Fire: How the Gay Ban Undermines the Military and Weakens America) and makes thinly veiled “foxhole” jokes.
Stephen Colbert welcomes guest, singer Lisa Hannigan. Yeah, we didn’t know either. Apparently she’s Irish. And twenty-seven years old. On second thought, you may as well be watching Idol.
Fine Living Network 8pm – Iron Chef
We are of the opinion that no matter what else in on television, you should always watch Iron Chef reruns. Oh, there will be Foie Gras.
Disney Channel 8pm – Dadnapped
Nah, just kidding – we just wanted to see if you would realize that Disney Channel original movies will always be worse than American Idol.
TLC 8pm – 17 Kids and Counting
In this episode, The Duggars give tips on how they can afford ANYTHING with 17 kids. Oh, and it’s like having guaranteed birth control.
History Channel 8pm & 9pm – How the Earth was Made
First, we explore the deepest place on Earth, located in the Pacific Ocean near Guam. It will be like we are finger-banging the planet.
Then, a geological history of New York City. Finally, proof that over the last several decades, Manhattan has been made entirely of cigarette butts and McDonalds wrappers, held together by bum piss. Greatest City on Earth.
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