Oh Sweet Jebus?! Who’s idea was this? I’m never coming back to this karaoke bar again. These lesbian girls are killing me! I’m getting out of here before I have to listen to ‘I Kissed a Girl’ one more gawddamn time. I shoulda stayed home and watched TV.
8pm- American Idol, FOX … The Final Two singers perform some crappy, supposedly-uplifting, triumphant ballad that makes us want to shoot our pistol through the sheet-rock in the sh1##er. What? Just us?
9pm- Series Premiere of Glee, FOX … All the singy-ness of High School Musical and twice the dramz of Gossip Girl! Watch it with your eyes held open like A Clockwork Orange…it should push you over the edge and make a tower shooter out of you by the first commercial break.
9pm- Weaponizers, DISCOVERY … Wash all that wussy s#1t out of your eyes and welcome your balls back to the party with the manliest hour on TV tonight! Best cable guide descrip ever… Two automobiles are fitted with weapons and transformed into remote-control killing machines inspired by the Mad Max movies. HELL to the M’er F’ing YEAH!!
10pm- Real Housewives of New Jersey, BRAVO … Ever wonder what Cougars and MILFs do during the day? Wonder no longer.
10pm- Paranormal State, A&E … Ghost hunting is extremely retarded. Those who do it MUST be ridiculed. Watch this show and scream NERD like Ogre every 30 seconds or so until you feel they have been appropriately smited.
Cable Show of the Night
10pm- Rescue Me, FX … Dennis Leary does some fighting and some boning in this episode, both with his ex-wife. At some point they break through a wall while screwing. Embarrassing, but not as bad as falling through the wall in a trailer during a particularly slippery jerk off session in the shower. Uh…happened to a friend of mine.
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