The best thing about getting baked in the middle of a weekday (besides the fact that your parents are away at work) is the abundance of television programs that were put on this earth to entertain four-year-olds and stoners.
Getting high is fun. Getting high while watching shows starring animated talking animals is an otherworldly experience that can transcend consciousness. Or something like that. Well, here are The Top 10 Kids’ Shows To Get Stoned To. Enjoy.
10. Handy Manny
Manny’s a hardworking handyman who never gets paid for his labor and is assisted by his talking tools. With the right amount of chronic, the talking tools should be a topic of conversation for roughly five hours.
9. Sesame Street
One of the all-time classics. Burnouts have been getting baked to Jim Henson’s magical urban puppet show since the Nixon Administration. The only thing better than the singing monsters and animals are all the celebrities who make surreal guest appearances.
8. Ni Hao, Kai-lan
In what is basically the Chinese version of Dora the Explorer, a young girl spends her free time with her animals friends. Simple enough. Although Stoners prone to paranoia will probably conclude that the cartoon is actually foretelling China’s inevitable world dominance.
7. The Backyardigans
These lovable, colorful animals hangout in the backyard and pretend to have adventures in far off places. As long as one of those places isn’t a fulltime job, something tells me Stoner Nation is on board.
6. Hip Hop Harry
You know hip hop culture has been co-opted by the white establishment when a rapping bear wearing a medallion and a Kangol is teaching kids about the importance of drinking water.
5. Word World
In this show everything is spelled out for you… literally. A dog’s body is actually made up of the letters D-O-G. Which is good because after an afternoon of heavy ganja use, potheads need all the help they can get.
4. Teletubbies
They’re colorful, they’re creepy and, if you’re a right wing lunatic like Jerry Falwell, you think they’re spreading a gay agenda. One thing is for certain the only people who could possibly enjoy this mind-bending trip through Teletubbyland are hardcore blazers.
3. It’s a Big, Big World
If there was one children’s show character that best embodied the stoner lifestyle, it would be Snook. This slow-moving, hippie-voiced sloth loves to spend his days sleeping and snacking. Whooooooaaa!
2. Dragon Tales
What happens when you rub a magical dragon scale? Why, the same thing that happens when you take one too many hits off the 12-foot bong… you’re magically transported to Dragon Land, a world where talking dragons fly around and teach children life lessons.
1. Yo Gabba Gabba
If there were a Hall of Fame for Stoner TV, this show would get in on the first ballot. It quite simply has it all – music, dancing, bright colors, Biz Markie, and Muno, a character that looks so much like a giant dildo the mere sight of him makes you feel inadequate.
This list was written by Dave Metrick, a freelance writer and perpetual procrastinator who sometimes writes a blog.
Comments