The cast for the ninth season of “Dancing With The Stars” was announced today, and once again ABC is stretching the boundaries of meaning for words such as “stars” and, as unfortunate viewers will soon learn, “dancing.” The long-running dance competition, already famous for boners, also managed to seriously raise the douche levels with their douchiest assemblage of wash-ups and wannbes yet.
How douchey? Let’s start with disgraced GOP leader Tom DeLay, who sent out a mass e-mail in 2006 asking his supporters to vote for country singer Sara Evans, “a strong supporter of the Republican Party [who] represents good American values in the media.” Of course, Evans would go on to drop out of the show due to a messy divorce–she accused her husband of keeping hundreds of photos of himself “posing with his erect penis,” constantly watching pornography and browsing ads for anal sex. Good American values fail.
Then there’s “stand-up comedian” Ashley Hamilton, son of George, who poses for douchey photos like this:
That’s not counting the douchiness of frequently arrested NFLer Michael Irvin, conservative supermodel Kathy Ireland, Osbourne family member Kelly Osbourne (we should count our blessings it’s not Jack doing twirls in spangles), nutso songstress Macy Gray, and the XTREME combo of snowboarder Louie Vito and UFC champ Chuck Lidell. These two may not be douches themselves (Although Lidell did guest on “Entourage”), but their participation will bring lots of their douchey fans to the “DWTS” audience– fans who, upon their inaugural “Dancing” viewing, will simultaneously think to themselves: “WTF is this gay sh*t?”
The douchiest dancer of all may well be Aaron Carter, but we can’t bring ourselves to bash him too much. He did, after all, record the greatest song in the history of jams. Hopefully we’ll hear a crackerjack version of “Aaron’s Party” by the powerhouse “DWTS” band.
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