If you’re like me, you remember family TV night as a cesspool of visual filth. This might be because I lived in a crack house with the cast of “Diff’rent Strokes,” but the horrible stream of trauma flowing out of the network TV shows sure didn’t help. Whether we were watching the 10 Worst Supers On TV or any of these 15 Characters That Never Came Out Of The Closet (But Should Have), television was always filled with some kind of hysterical terror. These episodes were weird, trippy or incredibly adult for shows that were meant for general family viewing. Now, I give you the 13 Most Disturbing Episodes Of Otherwise Kid-Friendly TV Shows.
13. “Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood” – “Windstorm in Bubbleland”
“MRN” did a series of mind-souring operettas that almost everyone seems to have blocked from their brains, as part of a survival instinct. Try to keep in mind this whole clip is from “Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood.” It’s difficult.
12. “The Cosby Show” – “The Day the Spores Landed”
Until my second-grade sex education class, I honestly thought a man could painfully birth a sailboat through his urethra.
11. “Diff’rent Strokes” – “The Bicycle Man”
As a child, the worst part for me was “knowing” that the child molester guy was Arthur Carlson from “WKRP In Cincinnati.” Why would sweet Arthur do such a thing?
10. “Roseanne” – “Roseambo”
This is perhaps the crowning turd in the tiara-of-poop that is “Roseanne’s” final season, this episode features Roseanne in a tube top. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
9. “Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood – “Spoon Mountain”
In case it’s not obvious, “MRN” was a serious roadblock for me in therapy.
8. “Saved by the Bell” – “Jessie’s Song”
So that’s why Elizabeth Berkley started stripping. She had a fierce caffeine pill addiction!
7. “The Facts of Life” – “Dope”
The irony is that watching this clip while high makes it 10 times better!
6. “8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter” – “Good-bye”
At first, my cold black heart was almost warmed by this touching farewell to John Ritter’s sitcom character. Then I realized that the actors probably took a dozen takes each to record their crying jags, just to make sure their makeup smeared “just right.”
5. “Webster” – “Moving On”
All the classic elements of horror are present – the mysterious and spooky house, the lifelike doll in the creepy room, and the pint-sized pipsqueak having a dialogue with himself.
4. “The Hogan Family” – “Burned Out”
This very special episode combines two hilarious concepts – house destroying fires and re-kindling the feelings of loss for your dead mom.
3. “Mad About You” – “Up in Smoke”
Paul and Jamie slip into a parallel universe. They spend the entire episode not hilariously snipping at each other in a Paul-and-Jamie kind of way, but rather hopelessly avoiding and not remembering each other in a John-and-Kate kind of way.
2. “Punky Brewster”- “Urban Fear”
Nothing keeps kid viewers more involved than a plot line featuring a twice-abandoned child living in constant fear of getting stabbed by a serial killer.
1. “Sesame Street” – “1839”
This famous landmark in television history features the Muppets coping with the real-life and on-show death of Mr. Hooper. Because this is such a downer, I’ve also included a picture from episode 3140, wherein Gina gets a racist crank call. Hope this helps!
If freaky kids’ show stuff is what you crave, check out the 20 Most Sensational Muppet Cupcakes while you wait for the police to arrive. Or see how your crazy “Celebrity Rehab” tattoo stacks up with the 12 Funniest TV Show-Inspired Tattoos.
Evan Hoovler co-wrote the National Lampoon book, “Pimp it Yourself.” He is executive producer of the sketch comedy troupe, Drunk Nerds.
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